Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
