I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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