I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
