Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
