TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
