So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
