He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
