I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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