Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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