walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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