If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
