You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
