Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
