I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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