everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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