I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
