Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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