i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
