I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
