apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
