hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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