Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
