Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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