you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
