I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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