Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
