Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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