My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
