Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
