All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
