My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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