I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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