Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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