he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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