Swine flu. Run for my life!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
