Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
