I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
