Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize