he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ttyl tear gas
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
