There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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