Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
