It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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