Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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