so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize