every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
