I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize