I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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