Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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