If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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