I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
