you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
