just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
