I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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