So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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