i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
COCAINE IS GR8
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
