had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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