i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
