Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize