Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
where are you?
Hypothermia
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
