Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
