mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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