Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
