Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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