There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
