I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
