life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize