Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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